If i come over, it means nothing
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
