My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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