i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
