I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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