I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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