Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
