today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
