I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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