last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
