dude i'm inner monologue high
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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