This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
