Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
