my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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