Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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