so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
