Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
