Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize