i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
