My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
