at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
