do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
