yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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