how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
