People in love make me want to vomit
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
