its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
