I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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