You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
