she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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