the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
