If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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