you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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