Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
