im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
