Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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