haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
