She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
