There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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