I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
