PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
