so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
