he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize