I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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