I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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