I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Small penises have feelings too.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
