i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
