apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
