Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
