Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
