ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize