Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
