She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
