So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize