Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
