She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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