Nicole vs. Life
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize