He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
