You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
