There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
