Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
