Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize