I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
