Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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