Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize