i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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