All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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