Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up under a house in Key West
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
