my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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